it’s too hot and i’m on my period and work people are being sassy so i sassed them back and now i regret being bitchy and i’m hungry and too caffeinated and he keeps hurting me but i keep letting him and sometimes i’m ok with it but i don’t know how long i can do this for and i am a fool for missing someone who never misses me
It’s a breezy summer day and the rustling from the leaves outside sound like whispers from my small apartment. I’m sitting in front of my laptop, silently studying the 1.6 billion faces speaking simultaneously in front of me. It’s Monday, the day of the weekly conference call between all Muslims. We have been required to attend this Skype meeting from the the tender age of fetus, but I had never spoken in one of them before.
That changes today.
“Hey guys, what if…” I start to say.
Nobody hears me, but I refuse to be silent. How could I show my face again on Tumblr if I couldn’t even save my mayonnaise friends from death? How could I expect to earn their respect? Anon was right; why hadn’t I done this before? Thousands of lives had paid the price for my ignorance, but not anymore.
“What if you guys….. stopped killing people.“
Suddenly, silence.
1,643,398,023 pairs of eyes are on me. My heart is in my throat as the ISIS leader gives me a blank expression.
A single tear rolls down my cheek. "Please.” I say with a broken voice.
He is moved.
“Aight”.
My fingers are almost shaking as I carefully type in the ten digit phone number I have had memorized my entire life. The buttons on my home phone seem to glow a bit more dull, and even the ringing of the phone from the other end seems to be agonized, almost as if the world is telling me to hang up. But I refuse to give up; I can’t let my lily-white friends down. Not again.
The phone rings once. Twice. Three times. Still no answer. Just as I am about to hang up, there is a click.
All I can hear is heavy breathing.
“Hello….” I say quietly, my voice shaking. “Is….. Is this Muslim?”
There was a long silence before I heard a voice answer “ya lol”.
“I was thinking………..” I begin cautiously. “Maybe murder is…………bad.”
“Habibi, I…..I don’t understand. What are you trying to say….?” The voice seems shaken.
“What if…….world peace is good and killing people is…………not good”
He lets out an audible gasp. “Are you saying ISIS is…….bad?”
“Maybe death is…….not good.” I continue. My heart is racing. I remind myself that I am saving thousands of lives, and inhale.
The silence from the other end of the line is almost deafening. He seemed to be thinking, as if he had never considered this idea before in his life. Truly I had opened his heart and his mind. This…. This could end terrorism.
“Muslim….Please.” I whisper.
I hear a tear roll down his cheek, with my Muslim Communication Hearing™ and hold my breath as he finally breathes out his next words.
Literally how the fuck do you flirt with girls bc all I know how to do is tell them they’re pretty and compliment their hair/makeup/outfit, and doing that just makes me sound like a Nice Straight Girl™
I feel like I’ve had this conversation over the past few days with a lot of people, so here’s the serious answer you probably didn’t ask for OP.
So ‘flirting’. Let’s unpack the word here.
A lot of our model for flirting comes from this kind of dumb
archaic model that flirting is about pursuit / pursued, about coyness and
subtletly, and god forbid, the person you’re into KNOW you’re into them. This…isn’t
a basis for good communication, and doesn’t really set you up for a good
relationship.
So from one bisexual lady to the rest of the world, here’s
my best tips for ‘flirting’ (with women or otherwise), whatever that may look like.
1. Make friends
first. Here’s where telling them they’re pretty and complimenting them is
still a good approach! Listen to them, find out what they’re into, find out if
your attraction to them translates into genuinely caring about them. I maintain
that this stage is important even if you’re just looking for friends with
benefits, because (at least for me) an important part of sex is good listening
and trust. But this especially applies
if you’re looking for a romantic connection with this person.
2. Bring up your
sexuality. You can do this as subtlely as you feel comfortable, but do try
to make it clear. Talking about Tinder? Mention a cute girl you saw there. Talking about movies? throw in how you found “this
female actor” attractive. This stage is where you assess what their reaction to
your sexuality is. If they seem uncomfortable, especially a la this post– and
this sucks to hear—don’t even be friends with them. You don’t deserve to have
to put up with someone who invalidates you that way, or makes you feel objectified. But if they seem to roll
with it, all the better. Try and find out their sexuality too, so you can
assess whether they could be interested in you (best results: ask them,
second-best: stalk their facebook).
3. Ask them out, make
it clear it’s a date. THIS IS THE IMPORTANT STAGE. Be clear. It’s scary, I know to
say ‘hey, I have a bit of a crush on you, do you want to get coffee sometime’. ‘Do
you want to go for drinks sometime—to be clear, this is me asking you out J
‘. Deep breaths. The worst that can happen is ‘nah I’m only into you as a
friend, but as you’ve hopefully established by step (2) they a) have the
potential to be interested in you and b) won’t act weird if it doesn’t pan out.
So you’re likely going to hold on to a good friend at the very least, and get
that load off your shoulders, or (!!!!) level up to the dating zone. *nice*.
4. Focus on things
that make them smile. Honestly, this is where the real ‘flirting’ happens—and
why? Because after asking them out, a baseline level of consent has been
established. “Yes, we’re in a romantic scenario now.”—so go ahead and
compliment their dress / new art piece / whatever, but listen, listen listen to
what they react positively too. Differently people have different ways that
they prefer affection (ie physical, gift giving, having nice experiences
together), so do listen to your partner and adjust your behavior accordingly.
There is no one-size-fits-all model for how to give someone romantic attention.
And as you head forward in your relationships: listen,
listen, listen. And remember that one rejection, or even twenty, doesn’t make you unloveable.
You deserve to be with someone who loves you for who you are. Keep your chin up
friends <3
